The Blue Art Project

Being creative and living in the moment

Chatter Boxing: Facing the Pain Part 3 (My Hearts Passion a Call for Advice)

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I am jumping off the cliff and going to put my heart and soul into trying to make a living doing what I love. I want to work on selling my art. I have been just pushing what I love to do off to the side for years. I am ready to  trying to make a living off my creations. I know that a lot of artist are trying to do this as well. When I am working on a project I get so wrapped up in what I am working on my pain falls away from my focus, and I get relief from my chronic pain, to have these moments where my pain is not tearing me apart are fantastic. If me being creative is the magic bullet to a pain-free life then why not try to make a living off my hearts passion when it has the added benefit of taking my pain away. I have nothing to lose but pain. I am ready to put all my heart and soul into making my dream a reality. I just need some advice. Let me give you a typical Polly ramble to get to where I am mentally in taking my leap.

When I was about 14 I had my first experience with acrylic paint and a big canvas. I knew at that moment, the way painting made me feel free, alive and that anything was possible. I knew that I wanted to paint, be an artist. I fought with my father about going to art school. I did and I then drifted about life.

Years have passed where I did nothing, in recent months I am back in my world of colors and my imagination is running wild and free from the reality my  life and the constant pain.

As I have spent since October in physical therapy to help my back, started a program in “Mindfulness for Chronic Pain” that I got a cosmic slap upside the head that what makes me feel complete is creating. That this has always been my calling and ignoring it and trying to bury under life junk is more harmful than anything else I could do to myself.

I return to my job on Monday (I have been on a leave for medical treatment for my back and pain issues) the doctor is starting me slow 2 hours a day every other day. I don’t have much stamina and get fatigued easily. I also still am in physical therapy, and working my “Mindfulness” program. I have a lot going on both physical and psychological recovery so it is natural that I would be exhausted. The most important thing to me is finally after 5 years I am getting the help I need. To get my body stronger, and learning to cope and live a full happy life with my pain.

So with the digging around in my brain, my emotions, heart and what I want from life I realized that getting back to being creative is what I want more than anything. It will and it has filled that empty feeling I had. My mind is racing constantly with project ideas, solving problems when I hit a wall with something I am working on. I feel a bliss that is healing, yes healing I forget the pain. I get so wrapped up in what I am working on that I don’t feel pain. This is amazing and I have no words when I realized this the other night. I was working on a project, had on my Ipod and I was so focused that I sat and worked for 3 hours. I sat for 3 hours , I can’t ride in the car for more than a few minutes without the urge to jump out of the car. This was huge that 3 hours passed and I sat and not once did I notice any pain. Considering I can’t sit in a normally for more than 10 to 15 minutes before the pain is off the charts. When I stood up and walked around I was a little stiff, had a little numbness in my right leg, but the adrenaline rushing from my progress on my project combined with the realization that I had sat for 3 hours , sent me over the moon.

I know that making a living of my art is something I want and I am willing to give it everything . I know that I will have to keep pushing my papers, but I will have something to look forward to when I get home and on weekends. To jump deep into my imagination and be creative. The feelings of being complete, and pain-free will be one of my main driving forces. A pain-free life in itself is enough to give me the strength to move mountains.

I have worked on my mental inventory, taking an assessment of  how I am feeling what I am thinking. What are my fears, worries, obstacles and just anything that might  lead me to self sabotage. I know giving my paper pushing job my 100% will be stressful , emotionally and physically taxing on my body. I worry I will fall back into how it was before, get up go to work come home crashing and spend all weekend in bed trying to recovery and get ready for the next week. I need to find a balance where I am productive and get my job finished and don’t run myself into the ground. So the starting back slow , working myself slowly back into work is a blessing.  Being mindful and aware of how I am feeling and keeping my goals alive and not pushing it to the side.

I am working on a schedule for my creative work. I am going to treat it as if it were a “job” as well. I really don’t like using the word “job” when it comes to my creative work . Back to my point just like lots of other people I will have two jobs. I need to find ways to keep balance that both get the same amount of attention and time. I am working out the details on how to manage this I am aware  it all falls on me to push and fight for my dreams.

I have over the years chattered about giving it a whirl and trying to make money of my work. I know with all my heart and soul want to live,breathe and be all things creative. I want to make a living of my hearts passion, it is more than a passion it is a force within me that is so strong that I my mind is constantly no matter where I am or what I am doing, I see things that inspire me to create. The creating part falls on me but how to balance my life so it doesn’t get boxed up and pushed way back in the closet I need help.

I am sending out a blast for help, tips, ideas anything that will help me keep balance and keep creating . I will find ways to get my work out there so people can see it, now I need any advice tips or just encouragement that I can do this, I can live off my work.  So I am asking anyone no matter what to offer advice. Books to read, things that have helped you achieve your dream even if it is not art related. All advice is welcome, I am reaching out to the blogging world for help. Please anything that will keep me on track and find the balance so I can keep my “day” job while I build up my dream business.  Not fall back into just being able to do my day job and having to spend so much time trying to physically recovery aka just going to bed.

I have suffered from physical pain for so long I can’t imagine what life would be like without it. I have found a place where my pain falls away from my main focus and that is when I am creating. I want  to live a life that is all things creative. Be able to support my family, help my son pay for his education. With my art be able to contribute my part  to the household income. I am not looking to become a millionaire, but to live a comfortable life by being creative. I need to find the balance between my day job, while I work towards this goal. I will put every bit of myself into achieving this. I know that I have the fight and the artistic ability to do it. I get compliments on my work and have sold pieces, and have done commissioned work as well. So I have talent ( that is really hard to say but I have to belive in myself ) and I know that I can do this , but I need guidance on how to keep balance so I can create. So please anyone , everyone no matter what you have to offer everything is welcome. I am not asking for a hand out . I will and am working hard with every bit of my being.

I have hope , hope is a powerful weapon in the war of life. I know that this will not come easy, but if things in life came easily I would not appreciate the things I have. I have put on my gloves and I am ready to fight for my dream, no matter where I end up, I know that I will find the happiness and bliss I am seeking.

Thank you for reading and I am hoping to hear tips, tricks or just “You got this” once again thank you. I am on my path and I will share my journey and hopefully I can inspire someone to take the risk of chasing their dream as well. I am off to “The Idea Den” to work on cleaning and organizing so my space is functional.

Have a wonderful day.

Polly B.

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