Being creative and living in the moment
Life changes are very exciting and wonderful things and they can at the same time be devastating. There are changes that occur where we feel as if it is the end of the world. Not until we have processed the changes gone through all the feelings and emotions that we come to the point of acceptance then move on. Hopefully we can find peace and become a better person from what we have experienced.
I was curious on how “Emotions” and “Feeling” are defined. Feelings are something you can experience with your 5 senses. Emotions are something that is internal like sorrow, and anger. In one definition, they are the same in and then another website I read they were completely different. A feeling can trigger emotions was how I took it. This is my very basic summary of what I spent many hours trying to figure out. There is so much more to feelings and emotions than I just barely scratched the surface of really getting down to the true meanings and differences between “Feelings” and “Emotions” , but I am still myself am trying to sort out what this means to me.
I thought that this would be simple as I think feelings and emotions go hand in hand. To make sense of all the different perspectives I read about feelings and emotions I put it into a really silly kind of analogy.
Feelings are the crispy outside of an egg roll and emotions are all the crispy veggies inside. You can eat one part then the other, but in life you bite into it and get both the crispy outside and veggies in each bite. So in my mind feelings and emotions are tied together closely. Now why I chose an Egg-Roll is not just because they are tasty, but I needed a visual in my head. In addition to the visual sometimes you have perfect egg rolls and others can burn you, be cold, taste funny. I know it is a far stretch but just like life sometimes we have good times, bad times, and times where it is just OK not what we had expected or wanted.
I know this all may seem elementary and ridiculous that I am defining feelings and emotions and the relationship between the two in food, I had to start somewhere on figuring out a bigger pieces of my life puzzle. How I let things affect me, my reactions. How do I not let things I have no power overtake complete control over my life as I rack my brain trying to figure out the why’s and what to do. Sometimes it is not obvious that I do not have any control over what is happening, and I literally make myself sick trying to figure out a solution to something that cannot be solved.
I am now lost, and I am actually coping well. I fell into a deep fog, and I am hibernating. I am actually able to sleep for the first time in ages. I am aware that what is going on in my life I have no control over. I don’t understand why it is happening, and I am not getting any answers, and I have made a temporary peace Treaty with myself. My Treaty is that I am going to take care of myself. So sleeping is giving my body the much-needed rest so it can try to heal. I am eating whatever I can and I am not going to worry about it. (I bet if I cut myself now I would bleed chocolate milk as that seems to be the only thing that I want.) I did not do this to my body it happened and the “Why” is irrelevant and I am not dwelling on how I ended up under weight, and the only way I am close to pain-free is when I am in bed. I am as close to being at peace with what is happening as I can possible get at this moment.
The uncertainty of what will happen I have my moments where I get all worked up. When it comes down too it I do not know, and I have no control. The uncertainty is a little harder to deal with, but I have tried to keep my mind as distracted as possible. If I am not reading my Ipod is on, and I focus on the music, the words and let myself fall into the music and not think. At this moment getting all wrapped up in my head is the last thing I need and would be more damaging than helpful to me getting better. I fully admit that I am avoiding thinking about the future. I understand that I will have pain for the rest of my life, it is a matter now of what am I able and not able to do.
Learning my limitations is not as easy as I thought it would be as some days I can walk all day no problems no issues. Other times just taking a few steps is near impossible. So there is no logic or constancy to what I can and cannot do. Other than sitting is something that I can only do for a very limited amount of time, and nobody knows why. I get frustrated with this, but I am doing my best to keep telling myself this is just how it is now, it will change.
That is all for now, it is late, and I am tired and I have been Chatter boxing for a long time.
Have a wonderful week.