Being creative and living in the moment
I am just have no luck with tech gadgets and computers today. I was playing around on my laptop last night and well got invaded .We meaning my husband has worked on my “tippy tappy” aka laptop tonight but he has a final paper due in his class and education comes before my laptop.
So my mid-day nap help rest my mind and let it drift off into full-blown random . It happens my powers of creative were used for cracking jokes and sharing my random facts with my cube mates just incase they are ever on Jeopardy.
I have been trying to find ways to channel those random thoughts into more productive things, projects something other than my poor friends having to deal with my “chatter boxing” which I have in an earlier blog post defined that my mind jumps around like a wild possessed ping pong ball from subject to subject. In my minds eye I see the relations between the subject changes . My husband after being with me for so long can follow my though process. He does from time to time in a joking manner say only you can go from point A to Z the to D the X and so on in a matter of minutes. (Oddly I don’t have Attention Deficit disorder) I have been asked if I do only many occasions but my doc. says nope , I think it has more to do with my anxiety that I jump around like an insane clown on speed subject change suped-up Pogo stick.
So I am giving the mobile app a whrill again as I had some thoughts and such I wanted to share and get them out of my head and let the land where they may fall.
So first last night I let myself have 15 minutes to vent, grieve, be angry, depressed just let out all those negative feelings and thoughts. I set the time limit and just let it fly. My husband was kind enough to listen and he did chime in and offer supportive comments. There is nothing wrong with taking 15 minutes to get all that pent-up negatively and letting it out. The important thing is setting the time limit. Not letting yourself fall into the trap of it being a consistent state of mind. It felt like I opened the negative,worry,panic,chaos value open and the flood gates opened and I set it free and it is out of my mind, heart and soul. So I can move forward on my positive path.
Keeping it pent-up inside in my mind is toxic as it sits there and grows and will slowly over take your inner child and run her back into the closet where it is safe. However she would be hiding from all the fear, chaos, stress frustrations, and cause me to slip back into thinking and living that way again.
I know it is still early I have done my deep cleansing breaths to relax my body and clear my head in hopes the Sandman would come quickly but my mind is taking longer tonight to shift in to “chill mode”.
So I decided to chatter and recap some possible ways to use my powers of manic ping-pong thoughts and use them for building a stronger foundation for staying on my path. My path is not just to live a positive live style and in the moment, but to reach the goal of being able to make a living off my heart’s true passion. By creating again working with my hands and the process of an idea or vision seeing it come to life.
Creating has been missing from my life for so long that it was long past the milk carton, and a mere faded sign so worn that you can’t make out what had gone missing. In recent months I have made new signs, large bold with deep and bright rich colors. As with each day I get closer to finding the courage and strength to jump back into that world. Each day my fears of failure or lessened as I realize that doing nothing I have already failed.
So staying positive I have several small note books I carry that when I have an idea or thought I can quickly write it down. Today I read through one and from where I was in May I have made leaps and bounds. I have physical evidence that in May when I stated The Blue Art Project I was pretty harsh on myself no wonder my creative inner child was missing . I was one mean and nasty person to myself. The more I read I saw the shift in how I was becoming aware of my self tak. I have a lot of fellow bloggers to thank from reading their blogs that helped me get my machete out and start clearing a path through the thicket of negativity I had let incase me in its thorny twisted vines.
I know I am not out of the woods yet but each week my path becomes more clear and I am aware of when I am letting the vines of danger close in and trying to wrap me back in that dark place.
I had my plan in the beginning and as I grow and change it does as well, but even with the stumbles backwards I still keep pushing forward.
I have set a small goal this weekend we are unpacking my studio. This is exciting and terrifying so I have been collecting positive quotes for sometime now I am going to get out my pens and water colors and transfer them into small works to post up. If I am surrounded by positive words and encouragement my studio space will become a safe place. A place free from my old ways and a path to my goals.
I have chatter on so to end the day on a good note I did not just survive today. I lived, learned and feel a sense of peace. I am filled with hope. The fear I will use as a driving force and
as reason to push on. I will take the energy from the fear and use it in a productive and positive way.
Thank you for reading as the blogs I read today were inspiring and uplifting. (Once I am back on my laptop I will pay my proper thanks to those whom touched me spiritually, motivated and inspired me )
Until next time to look back and reflect on the past but don’t live in it. Each day is a gift and an opportunity to grow, share and help others.
Polly Billiu ( Billiu is pronounced “blue” like the color )