The Blue Art Project

Being creative and living in the moment

Breaking the cycle

 

I have been home and in bed since 5:28 it is now 7:03 . I had my eyes closed my mind open and clear. I really focused on thinking about nothing for the first few minutes my mind bounced around like it was on speed. Then I started my self talk of relaxing the toes, legs, all the way up to my brain. I was able to lay with my mind and body at rest. I had some much-needed peacefully time.

Then par for course my anxiety gave me a little random thought are you in a coma? Yes I am fully aware that I was in a perfect state of relaxation and bliss and the “negative ninja” sneaks in and plants the nugget. I made a deal with myself just blink your eyes. I did and the room  filled with the warm colors of the afternoon and I looked at the clock and the feeling of calm I have is priceless. Just by laying with a blank mind for an hour and a half.

It hit me that I have let outside forces control my emotions and mood. Such as work has been hectic, overwhelming, and feels like there is no end to the chaos insight. I fully adopted and felt all those emotions and stress to the point of my anxiety giving me the rib crushing pain almost everyday for two weeks.

My self talk I have not been keeping a close eye on how I phrase things as I notice today when I was working on calming myself down I was making statements that the “negative ninjas” were  twisting and put my subconscious into flight or flight syndrome or worse shut down mode for self-preservation.

I wrote a quick post a few days ago about the “Good vs. Bad” and why I keep letting the “bad, negatives” have more power and control than the all the positive and good things happening. I have run this over in my head and talking with a dear trusted friend about this and I have come up with a few possible answer about why I am letting this happen.

First I have let myself get caught up in the chaos cycle and not taking “me” time. Taking the time to think about the infamous “Ring of Fire” and filing things into the “have control and no control”. Just by not taking the time I went spiraling down in flames as my ring of fire lost its boundaries and swallowed me whole. So I have made my list and then as always drew out my little ring and placed the things on the list inside or outside. I feel sorry and owe my friends an apologize and my husband for having to live and deal with Polly in “Chaos Mode” as I believe moods are contagious. I read somewhere once that it takes 15 people to balance out one negative person. I have been that negative person and I did not realize it. First step is realizing the problem then working on fixing and repairing. So as I said the other day living positive and in the moment is easier said than done. As you have to stay self-aware, you cannot take a day off, I hope that I will get to the point that it is just second nature to stay positive and in the present. I know that I am not there yet, but I am working on it.

So to give so weight and power to the positive I have so extremely exciting and life changing things happening. I cannot share it just yet but soon. I was terrified to let myself feel excited, I realized tonight that there is nothing wrong with being excited and happy. I am over the moon and just thinking about what is to come so soon is something I have looked forward to and never thought that it would ever happen . I so hate being vague but I don’t want to jinx it. I have given myself full permission to feel excited, happy and just full-blown bubbly, giddy happy. I am not going to let the negative ninjas take this form me. I have earned it and I cannot wait to share the news. Most likely I will be able to tomorrow and I will post first thing as it is a life changing event that is a huge goal that I (we my husband) and I have achieved.

The wrap up working on adding new quotes to my positive pick me ups. Going to keep myself in check with my self talk. Most important I am going to relax take everything one thing at a time and not try to take on changing my whole life in just a few days. As changing the way you live how you live is a slow process. Like my friend Chris said you have to build a solid foundation. Part of building my positive life, is laying a solid foundation.

So I have chatter boxed all over the place. A few new terms that I will define

According to Polly Dictionary:

Negative Ninjas – Thoughts that sneak in without you being aware or noticing until it has spiraled out of control.

They often attack when you are in a weak state, such as being overwhelming, experiencing higher than normal stress levels. The can appear during times of great change or when there is uncertainty about life events and the out coming of such events.

Definition is always open for change and addition

How to fight the “Negative Ninja” being aware of your self talk, not leaving loop holes for them to sneak in and change your self talk form positive to negative.

Just being aware of how you are feeling and accessing your reaction to stress, change etc.

The most important thing is being aware and if they do sneak in you still have the power to undo the damage that they might have caused, and that they actions are not permanent only temporary .

Please offer some feed back and support or guide me to your blog.

Thanks P.

 

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