The Blue Art Project

Being creative and living in the moment

“Go Back to Start”

DSC_0365I drew the “Go back to Start” card.

So I guess that was about 3 weeks ago that I let the my guard down and my positive path became blocked by the flooding of the “life trash” coming racing back in. It came with such force and speed, it blew the windows and doors in as I let my self stand knee-deep in my past, and in the present where so much is going on that is beyond my control. I did what I always do I curled up in the bed and dwell. I wasn’t able to sleep it away, no just dwelling long nights of beating myself up and a phrase I heard more often than anything growing up playing on repeat in my head.

“Your sorry, lazy and trifling”

Over and over I heard this, I tried drowning it out with my iPod, it just became louder. I started working on a short story, and it seems that they all had went in the same direction. Your sorry, lazy and trifling.

Last night my husband and I were talking, he said get your paper and get all of it out of your head  maybe that will help you get out of your “funk”. I did not however I did get a really good nights rest. I woke up in such physically pain that I have been up and down a little but around 3 maybe 4 it hit me. That moment of “AH HA”

So my mind has raced this way and that way picking up some of the junk and tossing it out the window. Today is just one bad day but I need to look at my “Ring of Fire” and those things that have weighed me down that are beyond my control I need to not let them have such a strong effect on me. I am aware that I cannot do anything about them, so I need to let it go. Just like taking out the trash pack them in that bag and set it on the curb and let it go.

Time to put my focus on progress, positive living, and living in the moment. Escaping the grip of the things that are beyond my control. I ultimately have the power to let myself be happy, or let others dictate if I am. I am choosing  happiness and moving forward with my life plans.

I will paint, sketch, take pictures I will do what every strikes my fancy. Those in my life that seem to dwell on the negative I am just going to take a vacation from essentially I am going to distance myself from them. I know that I need to sit down and talk to them about what is going on and why, but after much thought it will do not good as I have tried before and they still did not respect my boundaries.

I am not putting it off, I just need to get myself in a better mental place before I go into the lion’s den of negativity.

I am being selfish and putting myself and my little family first.

Rolling the dice and moving forward on my path.

To the dancing negative girl you are trespassing.

It is Independence Day for my Country and for myself.

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