The Blue Art Project

Being creative and living in the moment

Day 2,3,4 what happened.

So I had a weekly goal it was simple 5 pictures a day and a positive quote or thought to wrap my day up. The par for course “Life” happened.

It really bothered me that once again I started something and did not finish. So I have been thinking about what happened. I don’t want to make excuses as that is not progress. The more I have thought about each night what happened when I had taken the pictures had made notes and quotes to keep myself positive , why did not take the time to knock out the post?

I realized along time ago that I let external factors the “life junk” that happens daily effects me way more than it should. I take to may things to heart , and I dwell on things. (The why’s and what am I going to do). My body’s natural way to avoid dealing with certain things is to just go to bed. That is what I did each night beat myself up and went and hid under the covers. Some of the nights I went right to sleep others I tossed and turned running through my head over and over “what am I going to do?”.

I always talk about what I can and what I cannot control. It is easy to talk about and identify these things but not as easy to let go of things that are out of your control. So I am my own worse enemy. However as it is after mid-night and I am still stressing over “did I do the right thing, did I miss-understand what they said and make a huge mistake and hurt someone, why do I always F stuff up”. See a lot of negative self talk at the same time I know I made mistakes I am human, but the others is needless worry.

Right now I am so over trying to find a place to live, packing only to find out that the house we rent did not sell and well we are stuck here until the house sells or the end of our lease which ever comes first. All the drama this house has caused me and my family. All the doctors appointments with no answers , all the non-sense of you pay this I will pay that. I am over all the life crap. I have been trying to clean it out and move forward it feel like as I try to move forward I merely toss myself in front of another speeding bus of chaos.

So I have no reason as to why I did not follow through I just did not. I have just “vented” vaguely my frustrations and tomorrow is a new day, and I can start it fresh with a clean slate and move forward and try and not jump in front of any buses. That is a wrap for now as I truly need rest and time to let things go and detach myself and others that have innocently been drawn into my chaos and move forward tomorrow as nothing that is happening is the end of the world. I have to just keep focusing on being positive, and making the changes I need too in order to reach my goals and find my balance.  ( I apologize for grammar and spelling as my eyes, soul, and heart are tired.) Like I said new day new way, or at least try.

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This entry was posted on June 1, 2013 by in Uncategorized.
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